Tapping into Self

It’s cool when you discover, or in my case rediscover the dreams you had as a child. Although those dreams may be altered or vary from the original desires, they are still close to what I want. I got my first taste of film developing as a kindergartener. My teacher selected a few of us to take some pics on the playground during recess and we developed black and white film. We then pasted the pictures to paper and created a caption underneath. Fast forward to high school when I bought my first camera at 16 (billions of years ago). It was the Minolta Maxxum 7000, and it was the first fully automatic SLR. I was so happy and I carried it with me everywhere, even to school. I knew back then that I wanted to live in NYC or Milan and be a photojournalist, fashion photographer, and a still photographer for movie sets. 

Fast forward again to post high school and real life setting in on me. I got off track and stayed off track for so many years. This is okay because the desire for stuff stays with you. I may not be the photographer that I wanted to be back then but I can still do meaningful work with a camera and do it without having to work for others. I may not be, or even want to be a journalist and work for some company but I can blog and write and publish my own books. No approval needed! Me rediscovering me has come at such a perfect time. I’m ready to walk with my head held high and say with pride that I am a writer, not needing the traditional pedigree or education that the world says you must have. I’m a writer because I say so. I’m a writer because I know how to write. No more fear in sharing my work, my poetry, my non-fiction. The ideas that have festered inside for years are starting to well up inside me and overflow. The streets will be flooded with what I have to offer the world. I could say that I wasted lots of time and ponder all the opportunities squandered or wrong decisions I’ve made. That’s the biggest waste of time. No, the only thing to do is throwing myself into my gifts. Not waiting for perfect conditions, no self sabotage, no excuses. The momentum is here. All I had to do was tap into self.

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